|Posted by Tricia Drover on January 8, 2016 at 12:40 PM|
Unfortunately the overwhelming sense of impending doom and chaos in the world has not improved much in the past couple of months. The hardest part about this generalized anxiety is that I am not the only one experiencing it. It is harder to move past the fear when it is validated in others.
However, fear for the future is never logical because you simply never know a) what will happen and b) what impact that event will have on you personally.
As much as it feels like a cowardly move, I have decided to create a bubble for myself until I can either deal better with what is happening in the world or the world seems a less terrifying place.
That being said, I can imagine this bubble being in place awhile...
However, regardless of the state of the world or the amount of clonazipam I am taking, the fact remains that life is short. Even if none of these terrible things happen, one day this life will end for me. I will not always be here. The people and places I love will not always be here. All things are transient. All things are temporary. All moments are one moment.
While I struggle to accept that, I also know that it means I need to do a better job of focusing on what I really want in life. What do I want to accomplish? What do I want to do with my life? If I were to die tomorrow, or next week, or next month, would I be happy with the way I had spent the hours between then and now?
These are the goals I am setting for myself. Not New Year's Resolutions, but just goals on ways to help me better enjoy my time on this planet:
1. Write a book and try to publish it. For real. No more saying that I will do it one day, or that I almost did it once. Time to become a real author.
2. Meditate daily. Although I also want to continue with yoga and mindfulness, it is the mediation habit that I think will truly change my life.
3. Have more (and better) sex. Focus on my sex life. Try new things. Enjoy my partner. He is pretty amazing
4. Cut out social media as much as possible. I am not going to get rid of my Facebook or Instagram entirely, but I would like to go down to checking them only a couple of times a week. And definitely never, EVER facestalking anyone anymore. That is a complete and utter waste of time, and time is the only precious commodity that we have absolutely no control over.
5. Be more mindful with my children. Not only do I want to be more present when I am with them, but I also want to set a better example with my actions. I want them to grow up to be compassionate people that are amazed by the world around them, so I need to be that person too.
These goals are ambitious, but as someone that has set (and successfully achieved) goals since I was eleven years old, I feel confidant that I can look back on this entry in a couple months and feel like I have made some real progress.
2016 will be the year of being the person I am meant to be.